More About Mars!

After 1 month of another pain and hurt in my life, I’ve moved on! At last, well it has been a year actually when I first felt the pain.. But now, I want to tell you all about what really happened when I was gone! (Sorry for that)..

“Yes, finally! I am a fourth year student! Weee! I’m going to graduate now! Haha..”, that’s my line when I first entered school, then I met my best friends and friends whom I hang out with.. The first and second week of school was so great that I suddenly realized that I totally forgot about him! Haha, that’s the point where I became super happy that I can fly! I can feel no pain those times.. The third week is when he recognized me and began talking to me, he always flirted me! I mean for the first time! And everyday, well of course I feel twitches and hoity-toities those times! Hahaha and I flirted him too! I didn’t expect I could to it to him haha! Then, after a week, he became mad at me and we talked about EVERYTHING! From the first thing when I fell in love upto the present time! Well I cried, I said sorry and I forgave him but he didn’t said sorry, he still didn’t forgive me, and he’s still somehow mad at me.. Then after that, we became friends but there’s no more flirting anymore.. A month and a half, I became depressed and sad because I’m now the one who let go of him, I let him go for our own good.. Then after that, many challenges and the worst lucks and experiences of my life happened on August, the whole month! Then I cried to my best friends about that and they comforted me.. Then the present times, I have moved on and happily living without him! I somehow became relieved of everything, I feel refreshed that I totally on the saying “there’s always a rainbow after the rain..”! And that’s it! My whole story for June-Present! Haha well now, there’s no more time for love, all I care about now is my studies! I am fourth year and I really need to study now! I always fail because of that love and I hate love now! Hehe bye! :)

A new start, everything’s different, I was happy when that day start.. Everything’s fine between us, then after that day and after that, everything seems like a dream.. We became close to each other and he made me happy again.. In some cases, he ignores me and gets angry at me because of just one simple mistake.. I always has mixed emotions because I don’t know if we’re now friends or what?! Then on July 7, he talked to me, we talked to each other, I cried so much and I was so nervous the time we’re talking, he’s angry and I’m the humble one.. Then I was the one who said sorry, he didn’t.. Well, I forgave him! Then the next day, everything’s fine now between us! We talk to each other but I somehow feel that he will soon leave me.. I was afraid… One week after, I said to him to never leave me again and never be angry at me again, he was silent, he didn’t responded and he got mad.. But I was surprised when he talked to me the day after that! But I think he’s still afraid.. I was still bothered, I was confused, Are we friends or not?! Is he pretending to be a friend or what?! Those questions… Then the day of retreat, it is supposed to be the happiest day of my life but I told the whole class about our story, everything I told them! Then after that I realized that everything will be okay, but I’m wrong.. After that retreat, he told someone about his reaction of what I’ve said in the retreat, I was hurt a lot! I don’t know how I will get back our friendship, I am trying my best to bring back everything we had before! But, I suddenly realized that he’s changed, he became more unforgiving.. He always get back to the past! He never cared to the friendship we’ve had! Maybe my friends were right, that I should let him go, because he hurt me that badly and I want to live my life without him! I thought everything’s gonna be fine now between us, but I was completely wrong, that confusion and questions going around my head will never leave! I just want to move on.. )’:

The best thing about love is that you’ll feel vibrant and special from the inside or should I say the heart.. It always makes one person happy, being in-love is what most people want to experience.. But for me, love hurts, I never experienced how to be in-love nor how to feel it, all he did to me was break my most precious heart.. I loved once and I already experienced heartaches without being in-love.. It’s so hard to be in this situation, so everyone out there, please be careful with your heart because if it hurts, it will never be restored again.. Love hurts! :’(

Well, it’s boring! Everyday, I wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, then I use internet all day long! It’s how my summer always turns out to be! I have no funtime and beachtime! I have nothing to do but Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr., and Youtube! I’m sick of this life.. I wish I had a place where I can relax and forget all about the things that distract me from EVERYTHING! Some place like a park, beach, garden, or farm! Somewhere cold but not boring.. Yes, I would love that! :)

I’ve been dreaming something weird these last few days, that always same dream bothers me a lot.. Well, it’s all about transferring to another school! It’s really sad and very hard for me, and I even notice that I’m crying while dreaming, and that’s why I don’t finish my endless dream.. The thing is that my dream can be possible because I heard my parents talking about transferring me to another school and I will be 4th year HS! I mean, that’s so disappointing, it’s my last year in high school and if I transfer, it’s gonna be the worst! But if I will really go to another school, well I’ll miss my best friend Anne, my friends and classmates, and I will also miss him… The reason why I don’t want to transfer is because of him, it’s the last year we’re going to have and I’ll never know about what it’s going to be between us.. I want to recover our friendship, be with him, and cherish every moment we’ll have.. Maybe he really wait for me to make a move, I should not waste it.. Maybe he wanted me after all! I just wanted to have more time with him, and I hope he too.. I wanted him even if he never wanted me.. It’s the painful truth about realities! Dreams may be so wonderful that we never wanted to wake up again because in our dreams is the only chance to be with our love, but it’s an impossible dream, so I’m just gonna stick to the reality and live in it even if things gone bad….

How does it feel like to be rejected by someone you really love? Well of course it hurts, a lot! When I was rejected, I feel useless and invisible.. I feel I’m going to die, die in pain and misery! Well it all started earlier, I went to my school to finish some unfinished business, until my friend greeted me and he is beside him like he’s hiding his self from me.. He didn’t greeted me because it’s useless and non sense if he ever greets me, he doesn’t even want to see me.. He’s avoiding me! It hurts because ever since before, we always greet each other happily and no doubts.. Now, he’s changed and that’s what I hate the most because we’ve been friends like forever but now, I’m always rejected.. I hate him now! >:(

P.S. I think I’ve moved on! Because I feel nothing but only anger.. Haha :D

Love is not like in the movies, plays, or soap operas we usually watch.. Love comes once in a lifetime, when you felt it, you’ll feel really great and amazing, love can change you.. Being in-love is a very hard part of every lives, we can’t fall for a boy/girl that will never be ours, we also can’t fall for our best friends because they’ll feel awkward towards us and that feeling is what I’m feeling.. Well, I fell in love with my best friend and he’s more of a sweet friend, I never expected that I’ll fall for him.. Until one day, I finally realized that I’m in-love with him.. Then he knew about it and he started to feel awkward and different on me, I don’t know what to do, he was my best friend for more than 3 years, I feel very depressed and I regretted everything I’ve done.. I felt sadness and disappointment, I said to myself that I will never fall in love with the wrong person again.. It was like my world was shattered into pieces, then he went away further than I expected it to be, he didn’t cared about me, he forgot me and everything we had.. I lost him and losing him in my life is the worst thing that has ever happened to my life.. That’s the time I cried like it’s forever, I feel rejected, I became alone and always depressed, I didn’t actually knew what will I do to restore our friendship.. I missed him so much that I’d die, I always prayed and wished that he would come back again, I cried in my every prayer, begging God to grant my wish.. I wanted him so badly.. Many months past, they saw and he saw that I’ve improved and changed, that I became better and moved on.. I showed to him that I don’t need him anymore in my life, that I can still live without him.. I had new best friends and they were better than him, then I became happy with them.. They prevented me from seeing him again, they showed to me that he is just a big mistake and failure of my life and that I don’t needed him ever.. They showed me a better world to live, a better world without him.. It’s a new chapter of my life and with them by my side, I can be happier without even thinking of him.. Well actually, it’s hard to move on completely because there’s still a few feelings, we can’t avoid it, it’s natural to everyone who felt love.. But after all those things, I learned many things like moving on, how to survive, how to ignore, how to avoid, and how to forget.. Maybe my love for him will past one day but I gotta make sure that I won’t make the same mistakes again.. It’s how I felt before but now, I’m all better! :)